the feeling that everyone you know are moving forward in their lives while you remain on the same spot with your feet rooted into the ground.
the feeling of disappointment in others to be reminded of oneself's even bigger disappointment.
the feeling that you are stupid and ignorant and wonder what the heck such as retarded person like you doing here.
the feeling that you want to run away from everything around you and keep asking yourself what on earth did you get yourself into.
the feeling of emptiness because you are just apathetic about anything. passion does not exist anymore.
the feeling of disgust associate with oneself.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
cultured?
[sotm] :: gumy - let me go
thought i'd change the bg music a little. i was going to switch to something more 'upbeat' but this song is just so nice. :) or as i like to put it - nice and depressing. i love it.
went to AGO for the first time. it's so close to the church and have driven/walked by it numerous times but just never set foot in it. looked at some scultures but just don't quite 'get it'. it's all 'reclining figures'? maybe i'm just not cultured enough. haha. just let me know look at the renaissance era paintings and it's all good. don't get the new modern art things. there was a special exhibit called 'massive change' and it was quite fasinating that i didn't even notice how much time has past. ppl should go check it out.. it has a 2 for 1 special after 6pm? lots of stuff to look at that my feet got tired after it.
thought i'd change the bg music a little. i was going to switch to something more 'upbeat' but this song is just so nice. :) or as i like to put it - nice and depressing. i love it.
went to AGO for the first time. it's so close to the church and have driven/walked by it numerous times but just never set foot in it. looked at some scultures but just don't quite 'get it'. it's all 'reclining figures'? maybe i'm just not cultured enough. haha. just let me know look at the renaissance era paintings and it's all good. don't get the new modern art things. there was a special exhibit called 'massive change' and it was quite fasinating that i didn't even notice how much time has past. ppl should go check it out.. it has a 2 for 1 special after 6pm? lots of stuff to look at that my feet got tired after it.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
running around...
been running around lots these past few days - literally driving all around town. not that i'm complaining as i find the best times is when i am alone driving in my car. lots of time i find myself lost in thought, no worries, it's not that i don't pay attention to the road, cuz i do! just something about driving alone with music makes a great combo.
as i am still unemployed, i sit around and practice the role of being a housewife. i have joked about it with a couple friends and don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong about being one. it's just not quite me y'know? my friend laughed b/c i'm one of the more career-minded girls he knows and here i am, playing house. it reminded of the book we did this past year for women cell and one of the points was, why is the role of housewife/stay-home mom looked down upon in today's society? as women, many of us would frown and prefer to have a career than stay home. why is that? for some, it could be the sacrifice of the many years of education or pursuing a dream. it may be easier to give it up for some ppl, but harder for others. these past 2 wks, i am starting to get a glimpse of this 'lifestyle' and part of me is responding with 'no, i'm too young! it can't be yet.' who knows what's going to happen in the future, but i can say with confidence that many females out there are torn b/w these 'choices' and to choose one without regret is the hardest thing to do. i console myself by telling myself that i still have all the time in the world before i have to decide on such matter. yes!
as i am still unemployed, i sit around and practice the role of being a housewife. i have joked about it with a couple friends and don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong about being one. it's just not quite me y'know? my friend laughed b/c i'm one of the more career-minded girls he knows and here i am, playing house. it reminded of the book we did this past year for women cell and one of the points was, why is the role of housewife/stay-home mom looked down upon in today's society? as women, many of us would frown and prefer to have a career than stay home. why is that? for some, it could be the sacrifice of the many years of education or pursuing a dream. it may be easier to give it up for some ppl, but harder for others. these past 2 wks, i am starting to get a glimpse of this 'lifestyle' and part of me is responding with 'no, i'm too young! it can't be yet.' who knows what's going to happen in the future, but i can say with confidence that many females out there are torn b/w these 'choices' and to choose one without regret is the hardest thing to do. i console myself by telling myself that i still have all the time in the world before i have to decide on such matter. yes!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
birthdays
first off... happy birthday to jojo & cae!! :)
haven't updated in a while b/c i'm lazy and well, nothing much is happening.
kbbq was delish but gosh, i'm fat. can't sleep right away either but i'm sleepy.
job hunting has been slow like the rest of me... so lazy since being back home.
i'm writing in fragments and short sentences b/c i don't know what to write on here anymore.
oh, i did get a postcard today and it made my day! i love getting mail. the funny thing was that i was thinking to myself how i wish to get mail addressed to me that's not a bill and viola, there it was! :) yay.
haven't updated in a while b/c i'm lazy and well, nothing much is happening.
kbbq was delish but gosh, i'm fat. can't sleep right away either but i'm sleepy.
job hunting has been slow like the rest of me... so lazy since being back home.
i'm writing in fragments and short sentences b/c i don't know what to write on here anymore.
oh, i did get a postcard today and it made my day! i love getting mail. the funny thing was that i was thinking to myself how i wish to get mail addressed to me that's not a bill and viola, there it was! :) yay.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
lounging..
i have been back for 4 days and i am feeling the sluggishness in me. it's not that i haven't been doing stuff, it's just not something concrete like a job. sure, it's time for relaxation, perhaps i just don't know what to do with my free time. i have no motivations! not good at all. didn't the Bible said it's not good for men to be idle. it reminds me of the last sermon i heard in london - "We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies." - 2 Thess 3:11 i don't want to be like that, thank you very much.
i went back to visit my highschool today. it's like so much has changed yet nothing really have, following me? looking back, i was so different - so confident and sure of who i am. perhaps that's why my teachers expects me to flair well upon entering the working force. yet i feel like i'm giving sub-par performance. maybe i'm self-handicapping myself and in turn, lead to my change in personality. i didn't have a problem with myself back then, not to say that i'm cocky or anything, but i accepted who i am. it didn't bother me when i 'left' my group of friends when i realized that i am different from them and don't gel quite that well since we don't quite have the same perspectives on many things. as i walked thru the halls today, i felt that i have lost a part of me, or hidden away. when did i become this confused little girl?! gah.
this is what happens when i have too much time on my hands.. i get all 'reflective'. i should get off my butt and look for more jobs to apply to. i just find it funny that i have a better idea of what i want to do *next* summer but not right now. come back to reality and stop living in the future.. hee.
i went back to visit my highschool today. it's like so much has changed yet nothing really have, following me? looking back, i was so different - so confident and sure of who i am. perhaps that's why my teachers expects me to flair well upon entering the working force. yet i feel like i'm giving sub-par performance. maybe i'm self-handicapping myself and in turn, lead to my change in personality. i didn't have a problem with myself back then, not to say that i'm cocky or anything, but i accepted who i am. it didn't bother me when i 'left' my group of friends when i realized that i am different from them and don't gel quite that well since we don't quite have the same perspectives on many things. as i walked thru the halls today, i felt that i have lost a part of me, or hidden away. when did i become this confused little girl?! gah.
this is what happens when i have too much time on my hands.. i get all 'reflective'. i should get off my butt and look for more jobs to apply to. i just find it funny that i have a better idea of what i want to do *next* summer but not right now. come back to reality and stop living in the future.. hee.